Compassion for yourself is crucial because if you don’t care about your own feelings and take steps to improve them, it’s tough to become happier and more resilient. My new book, Resilient, focuses on developing 12 key inner strengths for lasting well-being in a constantly changing world, and one of these strengths is compassion.
When we treat others with respect and care, it often brings out the best in them. The same can happen if we treat ourselves this way. However, many of us are kinder to others than we are to ourselves. We’re understanding and supportive of others’ pain and see their good qualities, but we often criticize and second-guess ourselves, breaking ourselves down rather than building ourselves up.
Imagine treating yourself as you would a friend. You’d be supportive, warm, and sympathetic, helping yourself heal and grow. Think about how your day might be different if you were more self-supportive. What if you acknowledged your good intentions and were less critical of yourself?
Why is it Good to Be Kind to Yourself?
Understanding why it’s important to be kind to yourself can help counteract negative beliefs like thinking it’s selfish to consider your own wants, that you don’t deserve love, or that dreaming big will only lead to failure.
First, there’s the idea that we should treat everyone with decency and compassion, and “everyone” includes yourself. The Golden Rule goes both ways: treat yourself as well as you treat others.
Second, the more power we have over someone, the more responsibility we have to treat them well. Think of surgeons, who must be careful with their great power over patients. The person you have the most influence over is yourself, both now and in the future. If you saw yourself as someone you have a duty to treat with care and kindness, how might that change the way you talk to yourself and go about your day?
Third, being kind to yourself benefits others too. When people improve their own well-being, they often become more patient, cooperative, and caring in their relationships. Think about how your relationships might improve if you felt less stressed and more content and loving.
To help yourself believe that it’s good to treat yourself with respect and compassion, you can take practical steps like writing down simple affirmations such as “I’m on my own side” or “I matter too” and reading them aloud or placing them somewhere visible. Imagine explaining to someone why you are going to take better care of your own needs, or consider a trusted friend or mentor encouraging you to be on your own side—let their words support you.