I woke up the other night, around 4 AM, feeling incredibly anxious. I had a dream about a city I once knew well but couldn’t navigate. The dream itself wasn’t too disturbing, but it didn’t explain the intense heart-pounding and dry mouth I experienced upon waking.
Lying there, I tried to figure out if anything was specifically troubling me. I couldn’t think of anything significant, but I realized I was extremely thirsty. I had overheated and become dehydrated during the night. It seems my mind used this extreme anxiety as a signal to wake me up and drink water. After drinking a glass of water, I still felt anxious, making it hard to fall back asleep, as these feelings often linger.
Over the years, I’ve developed various strategies to manage anxiety. I learned that shifting my focus from my thoughts to my physical sensations helps. Breathing deeply, particularly focusing on the belly, can ground and calm the mind. Other sensations, like feeling your feet on the floor or your body in a chair, can have a similar effect.
These techniques can help, but they sometimes make anxiety feel like an enemy to be defeated. This mindset can backfire, especially with severe or chronic anxiety. During a period of prolonged crisis in my life—dealing with tax issues, divorce, debt, housing problems, illness—I realized I needed a more compassionate approach.
I began to turn toward my painful feelings, an approach I’ve been teaching for years. Instead of seeing anxiety as an enemy, I view it as a part of myself that needs care. This anxiety is a primitive part of us that feels threatened and cries out for help. By approaching it with support and love, we can ease our distress.
Think of anxiety as you would a scared baby or pet. Acknowledge it, offer soothing touches, and speak gently. By treating it with compassion, we can alleviate its intensity. Shifting attention to the body can help with minor anxiety, but love and understanding are key for more enduring anxiety.
Lately, I’ve been exploring an even simpler approach: asking, “Who is anxious?” This question aims to identify the self experiencing anxiety. When you examine the sensations of anxiety, you’ll find they’re not solid or stable. They’re just fleeting feelings with no core self behind them. Realizing this can bring a sense of happiness and freedom. Sometimes, the anxiety disappears; other times, it simply becomes irrelevant.
This practice isn’t new; it’s rooted in traditions like Zen Buddhism. The practice of questioning helps release anxiety by dissolving the notion of a fixed self. Dogen, a Zen master, emphasized that great questioning leads to great enlightenment.
This approach can be applied to other emotions as well. Asking questions like “Who is upset?” or “Who is angry?” can help create a sense of liberation and joy around negative feelings. However, if you’re not practiced in showing yourself compassion, this method can be unsettling. Some people may experience fear or a loss of meaning if they neglect self-kindness or lack supportive relationships.
In summary, blending compassion with introspection is crucial. By turning to our suffering with kindness and understanding, we can alleviate its grip on us, like a parent comforting a hurt child. This practice has helped me navigate tough times and has emotional baggage from my past.