A member of Wildmind’s community recently reminded me of an article titled “The Surprising Downsides of Empathy,” which was published on the BBC website two-and-a-half years ago.
The article discusses how misplaced empathy can lead to negative outcomes, such as exhaustion, apathy, and even the inability to help the people who need it the most. In some cases, empathy can be manipulated to induce aggression and cruelty.
Empathy is often seen in a positive light, and many believe that more empathy is needed in the world. However, some argue for a “tough love” approach, thinking that being too empathetic coddles people, especially the younger generation. Personally, I think these individuals might be unkind or misunderstand the true nature of empathy.
Researcher Paul Bloom, author of “Against Empathy,” differentiates between empathy and compassion. He explains that empathy involves feeling what another person feels, while compassion is about caring for someone and wanting to alleviate their suffering without necessarily sharing their pain. For example, if your friend’s child has drowned, empathy would mean experiencing their sorrow, whereas compassion would involve a desire to help and support them.
Bloom’s view is that empathy is not always necessary for compassion. He describes a scenario where an adult comforts a child who is afraid of a barking dog. The adult doesn’t need to feel the child’s fear to provide comfort; they just need a desire to ease the child’s distress. However, I believe that a complete lack of empathy can lead to unkind behavior. An adult without empathy might see a crying child as an annoyance and respond by shouting, which would only terrify the child further. Understanding the child’s fear and need for reassurance requires empathy.
In Bloom’s example, the compassionate adult’s understanding of the child’s distress is a form of empathy. They offer comfort because they can relate to the child’s feelings of helplessness. Empathy doesn’t require re-experiencing the child’s terror.
Sometimes, people consider someone “too empathetic” when their empathy leads to negative outcomes, like being overwhelmed by someone else’s pain. I think this is a misdiagnosis. No virtue, on its own, is flawless. For instance, generosity is commendable but can become problematic if it leads to neglecting one’s own needs. Balancing virtues like generosity with prudence and wisdom helps avoid such issues. Similarly, empathy should be balanced with other virtues like wisdom, ethics, and self-compassion.
Empathic distress occurs when someone takes on too much of another’s suffering, becoming paralyzed and unable to help. This is not true empathy but rather indulging in grief and sorrow. The ancient Buddhist commentary states that “sorrow is failed compassion.”
Like with generosity, empathy needs balancing virtues. Bloom shows that people might prioritize one person’s needs over others, leading to unfair outcomes. Wisdom helps us consider the needs of all individuals equally. Ethical awareness prevents us from harming others, even if we’re motivated by empathy for a specific person.
Self-compassion is crucial in balancing empathy. It helps us support ourselves emotionally and recognize when we’re taking on too much suffering. The so-called “downsides” of empathy are actually the result of lacking balancing virtues like wisdom, ethics, and self-compassion.
Empathic distress is harmful, but it doesn’t capture the full scope of empathy. True empathy, balanced with compassion, motivates us to help others without overwhelming ourselves. Bloom and others highlight the harmful side of unbalanced empathy, but the real problem lies in the underdevelopment of complementary virtues like wisdom and self-care.