Embrace Your Pain (The Social Media Sutra, Chapter 4)

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Embrace Your Pain (The Social Media Sutra, Chapter 4)

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Embrace Your Pain (The Social Media Sutra, Chapter 4)

In a series of six posts, I explain how we can break free from our addiction to social media using teachings from early Buddhist scriptures. These teachings are found in the Vitakkasanthana Sutta, which outlines five strategies for overcoming compelling urges. This text, which literally means “The Discourse on Quieting Thinking,” is referred to here as “the Social Media Sutra.” “Thinking” here includes not just our self-talk but also the emotional urges that accompany it. So, the urge to compulsively use social media or surf the internet is a form of this thinking.

The first tool involves turning our attention to something skillful. The second requires looking at the drawbacks of our unskillful activities. The third involves learning to reduce temptation. Let’s now explore the fourth tool from the Vitakkasanthana Sutta and see how it can help us cope with social media addiction.

The fourth tool is called “stopping the formation of thoughts.” This means that if none of the other methods have quieted our unskillful thoughts and urges—especially those connected with desire, hate, and delusion—we should focus on stopping the formation of these thoughts. This practice helps to still the mind, allowing it to settle, unify, and become immersed in mindful absorption.

To better understand, think of a person walking quickly who then decides to slow down, then to stand still, and afterwards to sit down, eventually lying down. By becoming more aware of what propels us, we can let go and slow down, coming to rest.

Similarly, when thoughts and urges prompt us to engage in compulsive online activity, recognizing and understanding what drives these urges can help us let the mind come back to rest. For instance, if you find yourself mindlessly browsing the web, it might be driven by anxiety, felt as a tight, unpleasant sensation in the gut. One part of the brain perceives boredom or missing out as a threat and creates this sensation to alert us.

Other parts of the brain react to this unpleasant feeling by creating impulses to continue browsing, often accompanied by thoughts like “Just one more article.” Both the urge and the thoughts are the “thinking” we aim to slow down.

Feelings play a crucial role in Buddhist practice, as the Buddha mentioned that “everything converges on feeling.” These unpleasant feelings drive our behavior. By becoming mindful of the feelings driving us, we realize we don’t have to react to them. Instead, we can observe them and offer some self-compassion.

Mindful self-compassion creates a pause, helping us find a kinder, wiser way of acting. In cases of internet addiction, there’s often an underlying unpleasant feeling like boredom, hollowness, dread, or anxiety. By learning to turn toward this discomfort with kindness and compassion, we can respond more mindfully and wisely.

When I find myself glued to my computer, I use this approach. Recognizing my suffering, I turn my attention to my present feelings, usually an unpleasant sensation in the gut. When I’m not mindful, I interpret these feelings as signals of something wrong, needing a fix, and escaping threats like loneliness or boredom by going online.

These reactions are instinctual, not thought out. But being mindful, I see the unpleasant feeling as just a sensation created by part of the brain perceiving a threat. I don’t need to act on it. Instead, I observe and offer kindness to the suffering part of me, saying something like, “May you be well. May you be happy. May you be at peace.”

We use social media or the internet to escape emotional pain, but we can’t free ourselves from this urge until we learn to address our pain with mindfulness and compassion. Craving is like an invisible cord running between us and our desire. By mindfully addressing painful feelings underlying our cravings, it’s as if we cut this cord.

When I practice this, my emotional connection with the internet weakens or breaks, allowing me to put down my device and do something more meaningful.

This fourth tool helps us focus on stopping the formation of unskillful urges, seeing what feelings drive our thoughts and urges, and finding a more wholesome way to respond. This helps us break free from social media compulsion.

For more on this topic, stay tuned for the next part of The Social Media Sutra.