The other night around 4 AM, I woke up feeling intensely anxious. I’d just been dreaming about wandering through a city I used to know well but couldn’t find my way around. The dream itself wasn’t overly disturbing, but I woke up with my heart racing, mouth dry, and a tight feeling in my chest.
As I lay there, I tried to figure out if anything was genuinely worrying me. I couldn’t think of anything specific. I realized I was really just thirsty, having become dehydrated from overheating during the night. My mind used this wave of anxiety to wake me up so I’d get a drink of water. It’s effective, but a bit harsh.
After drinking a glass of water, I lay back down, still feeling the anxiety. It was strong enough to keep me awake. Over the years, I’ve tried many ways to deal with anxiety. Early on, I found that focusing on my body instead of my thoughts helped. For example, paying attention to my breathing, especially the feeling in my belly, had a calming effect. Focusing on sensations lower in the body, like the feet on the floor or the buttocks on a seat, can also help.
These methods are useful, but they sometimes make it feel like anxiety is an enemy to be stamped out. When anxiety is very strong or long-lasting, these techniques can even backfire. Life’s challenges, such as tax issues, divorce, debt, housing insecurity, cancer, and technological changes threatening my job, forced me to find a more compassionate approach.
I began practicing a method of turning toward painful feelings rather than trying to suppress them. This self-compassionate approach treats anxiety not as an enemy but as a part of us that needs support. It’s like tending to a frightened baby or pet. We let the anxious part of us know we’re there and we care, perhaps with a soothing touch or gentle words.
For mild anxiety, redirecting attention to the body can be helpful. However, showing love to the anxious part of ourselves is even better and works for more severe anxieties too. Lately, I’ve been using a method of asking an existential question: “Who is anxious?” This question helps to explore whether there’s a solid “self” behind the anxiety. Usually, I just find a bunch of changing sensations with nothing stable or solid. This realization brings a sense of happiness and freedom, sometimes making the anxiety disappear or making it seem irrelevant.
This practice, which I first saw in the Zen tradition, is about questioning to find enlightenment. Dogen, founder of the Soto school of Zen Buddhism, emphasized the importance of questioning in achieving enlightenment.
By asking simple questions like “Who is upset?” or “Who is angry?” we can create a sense of freedom and joy around painful emotions. However, it’s important to approach this practice with self-compassion. Without a foundation of lovingkindness or support from a spiritual community, some people may find this practice unsettling.
For anyone capable of treating themselves with kindness, I’d recommend trying this method of addressing anxiety. I’ve found it incredibly powerful in dealing with the pain of my past, especially childhood traumas. It’s like comforting a hurt child within me, giving love and understanding to deeply painful experiences.