It’s easy to think that feeling compassion makes someone superior to the person they feel compassion for. This notion partly comes from the belief that suffering is a sign of weakness, which itself stems from our biological makeup. As social animals, we naturally try to figure out our rank in the social hierarchy.
In Buddhism, this tendency is referred to as “seeking status,” one of the eight “ways of the world” or “worldly winds.” These include:
We often focus on one item from each pair, but typically, our biological conditioning urges us to find a comfortable spot in the hierarchy and maintain it. Whether we play the victim or feel superior, we find comfort in knowing our place in the pecking order.
However, true security cannot be found within these worldly ways. Spiritual maturity involves becoming less invested in these pursuits. As we grow, things like gain, loss, status, approval, and pleasure-seeking should hold less meaning for us. We understand that these are all temporary, and the pursuit of status ultimately leads to insecurity, as we’re always afraid of losing what we’ve gained.
Part of any spiritual practice involves “unselfing,” which means reducing selfishness and grasping, becoming less self-focused, and increasing our ability to empathize with others. It also includes showing more kindness and compassion and experiencing the “flow” of each moment, whether in meditation or everyday life. This process helps us see that the concept of a fixed self doesn’t actually exist.
In Buddhism, “conceit” is the notion of considering oneself higher, lower, or equal to others. Ideally, we should stop thinking in terms of status altogether and just be, living in the moment without obsessing about who we are.
The Buddha said that those who are awakened do not think of themselves as higher, lower, or equal to others. This mindset should begin developing well before complete awakening. Even now, we can start to feel that we are all in this together—everyone suffers. This understanding helps remove the belief that “I’m OK, you’re not.”
If you feel like you’re “looking down” on others while cultivating compassion, try to let go of that self-clinging and relax. Go with the flow. Ultimately, there is no “you” or “other.” There is simply suffering and the response to it.